“I will admit it. I have read all three books in the Fifty Shades of Grey series. I am not admitting this because I am ashamed of my sexual desires or even because I feel the need to rant and rave about the poor writing quality of these books. (And it is extremely poor. I set my Kindle to count how many times the word “gasp” is used in the third book and the total was more than 70). I am admitting this because I feel the need to share my opinions about what I consider to be the incredibly — and dangerously — abusive relationship portrayed in the books. When I first heard about Fifty Shades of Grey and learned they began as Twilight fanfiction, I swore I would not read them. I have read all of the Twilight books and I did not enjoy them. I found the relationships between Edward and Bella and Bella and Jacob to be patronizing and emotionally abusive, and I also thought the writing was pedestrian at best and boring to read. Why would I devote the limited amount of time I have for reading for pleasure to a series like this? But as the dialogue about Fifty Shades of Grey increased, both in the media and amongst my friends, my curiosity was piqued. I attended a talk titled “Fifty Shades of Grey - Bad for Women, Bad for Sex” and decided that I should see what all the fuss was about. To quote the book, I gasped. I rolled my eyes. I even bit my lip a few times. But not for the reasons Anastasia, the protagonist, did. I did out of exasperation, boredom and disgust, but also out of fear. After reading this book series, I am deeply afraid that this type of relationship will be viewed as the romantic ideal for women. And I consider that to be extremely dangerous — much more so than anything that takes place between Christian and Anastasia in the Red Room of Pain. Could the character of Anastasia Steele be any more of a stereotype? She is an introvert, has low self-esteem, has abandonment issues from her father, apparently has only one close friend who bullies her and even though she works in a hardware store, she doesn’t seem to possess any self-sufficiency aside from cooking for her roommate and herself. She seems to have no sexual identity until Christian Grey enters her life and requests that she become his Submissive in a sexual relationship. In order to be Christian’s submissive, Anastasia is expected to sign a lengthy and detailed contract that, amongst other requirements, requires that she exercise four days a week with a trainer that Christian provides (and who will report to Christian on her progress), eat only from a list of foods Christian supplies her with, get eight hours of sleep a night and begin taking a form of birth control so Christian will not have to wear condoms. Anastasia negotiates a few terms of the contract with Christian (she only wants to work out three days a week, not four), but all of her negotiations are only within his framework — none of the terms are hers independently. Nothing in their relationship is hers as an independent. The character of Christian Grey is a rich, superpowered businessman who was abused as a child. He is in therapy, and Anastasia frequently references his therapist, but based on how he treats Anastasia, he doesn’t seem to be making much progress. As Anastasia’s relationship with Christian progresses, his controlling tendencies affect her life more and more. When her friend takes portraits of her for his photography exhibit, Christian buys all of them, because he does not want anyone else looking at Anastasia. (They weren’t even in a relationship when he did this.) When she is hired as an assistant at a publishing company, he buys the company — to make sure she’s “safe” working there. When she goes out to a bar with her one friend, against his wishes, he flies from New York to Washington State that same night, just to express his anger — and exercise his control over her. When she does not immediately change her name at her office (in hopes of maintaining some professional autonomy, given that he bought the company she works at), he shows up, unannounced, at her office, in the middle of her workday, to pick a fight with her. When she asks why it is so important to him that she change her name, he says he wants everyone to know she is his. Christian’s possession of Anastasia is the cause of much of my disgust and fear of the book’s influence on people and how they view romantic relationships. After they exchange their wedding vows, the first words he says to her are, “Finally, you’re mine.” The control he exercises over her does not reflect his love for her; it reflects his objectifying of her. Christian never views Anastasia as a person, let alone an independent woman. He wants her to obey him, and even though she refuses to include that in her wedding vows, it is exactly what she does. When her mother questions her choice to keep her wedding dress on rather than change before traveling for her honeymoon, she says, “Christian likes this dress, and I want to please him.” Her desire to try some of the “kinky fuckery” in his Red Room of Pain comes from wanting to demonstrate her love for him, not her own sexual desires. Wanting to please Christian apparently includes subjecting herself to verbal and emotional abuse from him ‘til death do them part, because any time she tries to stand up to him — which isn’t often — he berates her, guilt trips her and beats her down verbally until she apologizes and submits to him. After she uses the “safe word” in the Red Room of Pain so he will stop, he bemoans his sad state of mind later, mentioning that his “wife fucking safe worded him.” He is not concerned with her well-being or why she felt the need to use the safe word. He only cares about how it affects him. The question that I kept asking myself as I read the books was why Anastasia stayed with Christian, and the answer I found was that she has absolutely no sense of self worth. She only feels sexy when he says she is, and when he insults or patronizes her, she accepts what he says as the truth. One of the passages that disgusted me the most was when Anastasia was at a club with Christian, dancing and thinking to herself that she never felt sexy before she met him and that he had given her confidence in her body. Yes, being with a partner who frequently compliments you can increase your confidence, but Anastasia went from zero to one hundred thanks to Christian. None of that came from within herself. Because of his influence on her, nothing in her life came from herself — her job, her home, her way of life, or even her self-esteem. The co-dependency between Anastasia and Christian is alarming to read and even more to contemplate. When she breaks up with him at the end of the first book, the second book finds her starving herself and wasting away to nothing until he contacts her again. When she thinks his helicopter has crashed in the second book, she thinks to herself that she can’t live without him. Their marriage only comes about because he is scared she will leave him, and when she asks what she can do to prove to him she isn’t going anywhere, he says she can marry him. Yes, origins of insecurity and desperation are a great start to a healthy marriage. When Anastasia finds herself unexpectedly pregnant and shares the news with Christian, he rages at her, asking if she did it on purpose and storming out of the house, disappearing for hours. Even though Anastasia thinks to herself that the pregnancy happened too soon in their marriage, she never considers terminating it. The themes of the novel — that love alone can make someone change, that abuse from a spouse is acceptable as long as he’s great in bed, that pregnancies should always be carried to term even if the parents are not ready to be parents, and the ridiculously antiquated, Victorian idea that the love of a pure virgin can save a wayward man from himself — are irrational, unbelievable and dangerous. Our culture has seen a radical shift of ideals moving towards traditional gender roles and Fifty Shades of Grey is a shining example of that. Early marriage to one’s first sexual partner, having a baby even when saying neither of the partners is ready to be a parent, and submission to one’s husband as the head of the household are all aspects of life that feminists and progressive thinkers have worked to move beyond. Anastasia and Christian’s relationship is not romantic. It is abusive. The ways he tries to “keep her safe” are not masculine or sexy. They are stalking. Fearing one’s husband’s reaction to an unexpected pregnancy is not normal, because “boys will be boys.” It is sad and dangerous and should not happen in a healthy relationship. Fifty Shades of Grey was one of the best-selling books of the year. Sex toy classes have been inspired by it, as have new types of cocktails. The film adaptation is already in the works. I sincerely hope that honest discussion will be had about the book and that the Christian Grey ideal of romance is not one that will be perpetuated throughout our culture. The best way that can happen is through open, honest dialogue that leads to healthy relationships of two equal partners. That, in my opinion, is sexier than anything that can happen in the Red Room of Pain.”
Learn to Crochet!
Crochet Gif Tutorials: Crocodile Stitch
A tutorial in 7 parts:
Part 1 - First Foundation Row
Part 2 - Row 1, First Scale
Part 3 - Row 1, Middle Scales
Part 4 - Row 1, Last Scale
Part 5 - Second Foundation Row
Part 6 - Row 2
Part 7 - Third Foundation Row
This tutorial shows my technique for making the crocodile stitch. I’ve looked at various other tutorials in the past and they all seem to have slightly different methods, but this is what I came up with as the way that works for me. I hope that it will help you too - but as always, play around and see what you like best!
So far, this tutorial only covers making the crocodile stitch in rows - so for things like scarves or anything rectangular. At some point in the future I hope to cover the adaptions you need to make to work this in the round.
Happy hooking! XX
i’m so upset by the recent turn that cast and crew have taken in regards to questions about sterek because before they laughed and joked about it and asked for fucking votes by PUTTING DYLAN AND TYLER ON A SHIP and even brought it up themselves in interviews, maybe not directly, but they’d acknowledge like when tyler said that he shouldn’t say it but his favorite character was stiles and laughed at how loudly the crowd cheered
and now we have this. we have derision and mockery and the actors getting uncomfortable and making us for guilty about asked about something they were comfortable-ish discussing a few seasons ago. they act like it’s something weird and strange and something they don’t understand when clearly that’s not the case and i don’t know why their doing this, if it’s jeff or what, but
it makes me upset, and angry, and disappointed. it’s not as if other shows haven’t done this in the past, but even Supernatural, the queerbaiting grandaddy, treats it’s fandom better than this. they started off supportive of it’s fans, which is why this is so painful now
this is senseless cruelty. it’s pointless and painful, and if i do end up leaving the show behind, it won’t be because anything they’ve put on screen, but how small they’ve made me feel for being passionate about a show i once loved
Asked by Anonymous
I must admit he’s doing better as a baby alpha than I thought he would, but my expectations were very low, although i think the scene with derek was to set derek up to take over training him so he wouldn’t be scott’s responsibility any more and derek’s nope was amusing
it will be interesting to see how scott deals with liam when kira is about though
Better? He broke a kids LEG!! Because he was JEALOUS! of a FRESHMAN!! How is that better!?
I just wanted Jackson to appear and bitch slap Scott and Stiles for being jealous over this upstart freshman who just shows up and steals the glory that Scott had “worked so hard for”.
(worked hard for? Don’t you mean cheated for? Face it, Jackson was a human! Scott needed to become supernatural to beat him and steal the glory that Jackson had ACTUALLY worked hard for)
I wanted to brand the word ‘hypocrite’ into Scott’s forehead.
And I can’t even start on about what a crappy job he’s done as an alpha. Basically tried to get Stiles to do the hard work. When that failed, he stepped up and did a pretty crappy job… and then tried to push it onto Derek. (I do agree that Derek was like, “NOPE! Have fun with your ticking time bomb, Jesus Alpha Wolf.”)
Teen Wolf Cast Read Fanfiction:
This is one of the reasons why fans have disconnected themselves from Teen Wolf. If not for the fact that we’ve been used countless times, and because of how bad the writing has gotten…it’s because we’re mocked like this.
Our creations, our opinions, our ideas are mocked. We’re not taken seriously. We’re treated as jokes to MTV, to the writers, to the PR team, and to the social media team.
This is also further evidence as to why "The Collective" is a bad thing. Teen Wolf and MTV do NOT care about fan creations. It’s all about the pay off they’ll get for pretending like they don’t mock us behind our backs.
And I don’t want to blame the cast, because if I were an actor, I’d probably be a bit uncomfortable reading some of this about a character I play. I can understand that.
This is why fandom needs to be a separate thing, something that the power heads over at MTV should never have their grip on. This is just wrong and this is proof that the Teen Wolf PR team is absolutely disgusting.
Helping to hold down a beta werewolf isn’t the only time in this episode that Stiles shows that he’s stronger than he looks.
When Stiles grabs the lacrosse stick, Coach Finstock takes a step back as he tries to pull it out of Stiles’ grip. But Stiles jerks it back, using both hands, and then continues to hold on to it one-handed while Finstock keeps trying to pull it away. It’s only when he uses both hands—and Stiles shifts his focus entirely to the photo—that he takes it away from Stiles.
Finstock outweighs Stiles, he’s pulling the stick at an upward angle, and he’s in a position to shift his weight significantly. Stiles’ underhand grip and Finstock’s leverage advantage as he stepped back should have made it easy to take back the lacrosse stick. But maybe he wasn’t pulling too hard for fear of hurting Stiles.
I might buy that, if he weren’t clearly using his leverage to yank back hard on the stick with one hand while the other is clamped around Stiles’ wrist in such a way that his fingers are pressing down on the tendons in the fourth gif. That should have a) loosened Stiles’ grip and b) allowed Finstock to push Stiles’ hand down the stick. (DON’T. I know you want to, but DON’T. Because EUW.)
Yet even with that much advantage, Stiles not only pulls the stick back, he does it with one hand.
Somehow, Stiles’, “Better,” seems a little ominous, all of a sudden…